Things are going well

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. My company is finally bringing in some help. I might be able to breathe soon :) Just knowing this is coming has helped my stress levels immensely.

We went apple picking last weekend. It was a lot of fun. I haven't been in years (not since long before I got my stimulator implanted). It was so nice to walk around, enjoying the chilly autumn weather, picking apples, and just generally having a good time with my husband. My leg was really sore afterward, but I came home and made a delicious apple pork loin in the slow cooker for dinner. It was the epitome of a beautiful fall day, made all the better by the fact that I was still able to stand at the end of it. However, we picked way too many apples. We still have a ton left over and I've almost run out of things to make with them.

Tonight we're going bowling, which is yet another activity I haven't done since getting the stimulator. I'm hoping I'll be able to find a good setting on the stimulator so I won't have to continuously adjust it all night, but even if I do that's still better than the pain.

I'm tired

I'm tired of thinking negatively.  I'm tired of not sleeping, I'm tired of being in pain (This wasn't supposed to be a consistent thing anymore :( ).  I'm just tired in general.

Last night I didn't sleep very well at all.  I finally fell asleep shortly before my alarm clock went off.  When it went off I groggily got up and got into the shower, hoping washing my face would wake me up a bit.  It didn't, so I groggily took my shower.  Just before I was done I leaned over to pick something up and knocked the conditioner bottle right off the ledge.  We buy shampoo and conditioner in bulk.  Doing this saves us a ton of money, but it means big objects to fall on the foot.  Maybe that's something to rethink?  Anyway, sure enough the big bottle of conditioner landed directly on my right foot.  The pain is incredible.

The funny thing about this stimulator is that it helps immensely with RSD pain, but the moment there's an actual injury it doesn't do very much.  So here I am, stimulator jacked up to 11, and still in pain.  Cross your fingers this will be a short day.

When I get home tonight I'm going to try soaking my foot and hope that helps some with the pain.  Then I plan on spending the rest of the afternoon with my foot propped up on a pillow.  Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a new day, with much less pain.

Beer, Engagement Party, and Tears

On my way home from work on Friday I got a ticket.  I was stupid.  I should have known better.  It was the first day of a new month and my inspection had expired a while ago.  I never should have pulled on to the highway like I did.  I should have taken the back roads.  But no, I wanted to take the highway so I wouldn't be late getting my husband from work.  STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!  Now I need to get my car fixed and get a new inspection before my court date and just kind of hope they throw the ticket out :(  So the weekend started on a bad note.  I was already exhausted and in pain so that was the last thing I needed.

Saturday we went to the beer festival that I talked about in my last entry.  We had a blast.  I turned on my stimulator as high as it could comfortably go, and off to the festival we headed.  It was nice to see some old friends that I haven't caught up with in the longest time.  We stayed around there for a few hours and then headed home to get some rest before a friends' engagement party.

Later that night we went out again and hung out with friends at the party.  Again I managed to stand the entire time without too much pain, although I was hurting by the end.  I'm glad we went and it turned out to be a good time.

Sunday morning it all went to hell again.  For some reason the husband decided to start a fight.  I "slept" on the couch last night.  For the second time in a row I cried the whole way in to the office.  Not cool. 

No sleep + added stress = terrible leg pain.  It's going to be a long week.

Rainstorms and Television

We had a ton of rain yesterday (we're talking about 4 inches).  That combined with the stress of work, and lack of sleep recently, caused quite the flareup.  I spent the afternoon and evening last night on the couch in severe pain.  I'd say the pain levels easily reached pre-SCS levels.  So my awesome husband sat with me and watched TV.  So there we were, watching NCIS and watching the rain fall and I started feeling bad for msyelf again.  I'm too young for this to happen to me.  Then House came on.  I'll admit to feeling a pang of jealousy as I watched him pop those Vicodin pills and could see the pain melt away enough to be able to function.  I found myself wishing that I could take just one of those pills without being sick for days afterward.

That's not right, though.  I don't like pills.  I took myself off of them all because of that.  What was I thinking?  Even the thought of taking them made me feel sick.  I just want the pain to go away.

So I "slept" with my leg propped up on some pillows and with the SCS jacked up as high as it could go.  It didn't do much for the pain, and here I am again.  It's a new day, complete with severe pain.  I thought these days were behind me :(

I found myself feeling bad for myself again this morning.  I started crying on my way in to work because "it hurts so bad and it's just not fair"  but you know what?  Life isn't fair.  This is a lesson I was forced to learn a long time ago.  It would be nice if the playing field were evened up a bit, but I wouldn't wish this on even my worst enemy, so I'll take it, and I'll try to make the best of it.  It's times like these my high school friend's words echo in my head "Bad things happen to good people because bad people can't handle the stress."  Maybe this is evening the playing field a bit?

Tomorrow is my town's annual beer festival and I plan on attending with my husband.  I have no doubt the SCS will be on full blast, and hopefully I'll be able to stand up the whole time we plan on being there, without being forced to hide out in the car.  Wish me luck.

I'm neglectful :(

Don't hate me! I'm seriously terrible at keeping up with this blog and for that I apologize. However, my husband is at work tonight so here I am.

I'm not going to go into the work crap because I'm trying to pretend it doesn't exist. Yes, dear readers, this is my denial face. Isn't it pretty?

So my leg has been acting up because of that thing that doesn't exist, but I'm dealing. I've been trying out more programs on my SCS lately. I know, it's been freaking forever since I got the thing, so you'd think I would know all these 6 (ONLY 6!!!!) programs inside and out, but I don't.

When I first got the stimulator I found programs that worked for me when I was trying to sleep, when I was sitting stationary, and when I was walking. Until now the tried and true always worked, so why deviate?

Lately, though, the pain has gotten pretty bad so I've been forced to experiment. I'll admit that part at least has been kind of fun. I've been learning a lot about how these programs feel and I have opened up a whole new arsenal of potential pain killing buzzes!

I would go on, but my head hurts so I'm going to lie down. Thanks for reading, and I'll try to update again before the apocalypse ;)

Energizer Bunny

I'm like the Energizer Bunny in that I keep going... and going... and going...

Life has been crazy, with no end in sight. Work has been incredibly stressful. I've been working crazy hours. I really do just work for the weekend. It's a sad state of affairs.

Of course with stress comes pain. I've been keeping my stimulator turned up as high as I can tolerate it, but I can't sleep at night with it on high enough to block the pain signals, so sleep hasn't been coming very easily either.

I took Benedryl last night and got some sleep (although medicine induced sleep is never very restful), and when I woke up this morning my ankle felt almost disconnected. It's hard to explain, but it was like there was space in the joint. This happens sometimes after I take something that knocks me out, but I always hate it :(

Still going...

The Pain!!!

It's official. I have gone back to being a total wuss about pain. Before I got my stimulator dealing with insanely high pain levels was nothing to me. It was a walk in the park. In fact, in college my physiology professor ran a few tests with me and we found out my body reacted in the complete opposite way to pain than it should (when my pain levels went up my heart rate and breathing decreased, which we figured was something of a coping mechanism for my body). Now my leg starts hurting even the slightest bit more than normal and I want to curl up and cry. What happened to me?

A friend of mine passed away Friday July 16, and then a second friend passed away on July 23. I was on vacation last week but ended up spending a good deal of it either dealing with those deaths or dealing with whatever stomach bug I had Wednesday and Thursday. Not fun. The calling hours for the second friend were yeserday and the funeral was today. It's been stressful.

By the time I got home from work today I realized how much pain my ankle is in. It's incredible. I can't remember the last time I've felt pain this severe. OTC pain killers aren't touching it and my stimulator is having no effect :'( I miss that wonderful coping mechanism I used to have.

So how am I coping today? For now I'm laying on the couch with my leg elevated, watching TV. Hopefully I'll be able to get a bit of sleep tonight and the pain will have decreased a bit by tomorrow. If not it's going to be a long way until Friday.