Winter :(

I'm really, really bad with titles. I'm always trying to come up with a title that properly summarizes the general idea on the subject of my blogs and I'm always really bad at it. I'll admit that it has prevented me from posting in the past, but I'm determined not to allow that to happen, so if you see strange titles that's why.

The weather here has been going between beautiful, sunny, and hot to cold, rainy, and a bit snowy. Winter is not far off :( I'm not prepared so I think I'll protest. If you see some crazy lady, walking with a limp, and holding a sign to the effect of "WINTER, GO AWAY!" it may or may not be safe to assume that's me. If snow is falling assume it's someone else.

So on to the pain. The CRPS has been flaring quite a bit lately. Work has been stressful, and again I haven't been sleeping well. Winter is likely to make the sleeping aspect worse. Thankfully there may be a light at the end of the stress tunnel at work. We've brought on some help, and hired some people that needed to be hired. That means there's a bit less work on my plate, or at least there will be soon. Yay for lights! It's been awfully dark in that danged tunnel lately.

I'm going to try to relax a bit tonight and hopefully by the time I go to bed the pain will have decreased a bit. Then maybe I'll get some sleep. That would be nice.

I've decided that considering this is a chronic pain blog, I should probably share my pain level at the time of my writing, so I'm going to try to do that and keep up with it. Right now my pain level is at a 6/10. That's better than even my best pre-SCS, but is pretty high for having the SCS.

Things are going well

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. My company is finally bringing in some help. I might be able to breathe soon :) Just knowing this is coming has helped my stress levels immensely.

We went apple picking last weekend. It was a lot of fun. I haven't been in years (not since long before I got my stimulator implanted). It was so nice to walk around, enjoying the chilly autumn weather, picking apples, and just generally having a good time with my husband. My leg was really sore afterward, but I came home and made a delicious apple pork loin in the slow cooker for dinner. It was the epitome of a beautiful fall day, made all the better by the fact that I was still able to stand at the end of it. However, we picked way too many apples. We still have a ton left over and I've almost run out of things to make with them.

Tonight we're going bowling, which is yet another activity I haven't done since getting the stimulator. I'm hoping I'll be able to find a good setting on the stimulator so I won't have to continuously adjust it all night, but even if I do that's still better than the pain.

I'm tired

I'm tired of thinking negatively.  I'm tired of not sleeping, I'm tired of being in pain (This wasn't supposed to be a consistent thing anymore :( ).  I'm just tired in general.

Last night I didn't sleep very well at all.  I finally fell asleep shortly before my alarm clock went off.  When it went off I groggily got up and got into the shower, hoping washing my face would wake me up a bit.  It didn't, so I groggily took my shower.  Just before I was done I leaned over to pick something up and knocked the conditioner bottle right off the ledge.  We buy shampoo and conditioner in bulk.  Doing this saves us a ton of money, but it means big objects to fall on the foot.  Maybe that's something to rethink?  Anyway, sure enough the big bottle of conditioner landed directly on my right foot.  The pain is incredible.

The funny thing about this stimulator is that it helps immensely with RSD pain, but the moment there's an actual injury it doesn't do very much.  So here I am, stimulator jacked up to 11, and still in pain.  Cross your fingers this will be a short day.

When I get home tonight I'm going to try soaking my foot and hope that helps some with the pain.  Then I plan on spending the rest of the afternoon with my foot propped up on a pillow.  Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a new day, with much less pain.

Beer, Engagement Party, and Tears

On my way home from work on Friday I got a ticket.  I was stupid.  I should have known better.  It was the first day of a new month and my inspection had expired a while ago.  I never should have pulled on to the highway like I did.  I should have taken the back roads.  But no, I wanted to take the highway so I wouldn't be late getting my husband from work.  STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!  Now I need to get my car fixed and get a new inspection before my court date and just kind of hope they throw the ticket out :(  So the weekend started on a bad note.  I was already exhausted and in pain so that was the last thing I needed.

Saturday we went to the beer festival that I talked about in my last entry.  We had a blast.  I turned on my stimulator as high as it could comfortably go, and off to the festival we headed.  It was nice to see some old friends that I haven't caught up with in the longest time.  We stayed around there for a few hours and then headed home to get some rest before a friends' engagement party.

Later that night we went out again and hung out with friends at the party.  Again I managed to stand the entire time without too much pain, although I was hurting by the end.  I'm glad we went and it turned out to be a good time.

Sunday morning it all went to hell again.  For some reason the husband decided to start a fight.  I "slept" on the couch last night.  For the second time in a row I cried the whole way in to the office.  Not cool. 

No sleep + added stress = terrible leg pain.  It's going to be a long week.

Rainstorms and Television

We had a ton of rain yesterday (we're talking about 4 inches).  That combined with the stress of work, and lack of sleep recently, caused quite the flareup.  I spent the afternoon and evening last night on the couch in severe pain.  I'd say the pain levels easily reached pre-SCS levels.  So my awesome husband sat with me and watched TV.  So there we were, watching NCIS and watching the rain fall and I started feeling bad for msyelf again.  I'm too young for this to happen to me.  Then House came on.  I'll admit to feeling a pang of jealousy as I watched him pop those Vicodin pills and could see the pain melt away enough to be able to function.  I found myself wishing that I could take just one of those pills without being sick for days afterward.

That's not right, though.  I don't like pills.  I took myself off of them all because of that.  What was I thinking?  Even the thought of taking them made me feel sick.  I just want the pain to go away.

So I "slept" with my leg propped up on some pillows and with the SCS jacked up as high as it could go.  It didn't do much for the pain, and here I am again.  It's a new day, complete with severe pain.  I thought these days were behind me :(

I found myself feeling bad for myself again this morning.  I started crying on my way in to work because "it hurts so bad and it's just not fair"  but you know what?  Life isn't fair.  This is a lesson I was forced to learn a long time ago.  It would be nice if the playing field were evened up a bit, but I wouldn't wish this on even my worst enemy, so I'll take it, and I'll try to make the best of it.  It's times like these my high school friend's words echo in my head "Bad things happen to good people because bad people can't handle the stress."  Maybe this is evening the playing field a bit?

Tomorrow is my town's annual beer festival and I plan on attending with my husband.  I have no doubt the SCS will be on full blast, and hopefully I'll be able to stand up the whole time we plan on being there, without being forced to hide out in the car.  Wish me luck.