Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Mexican Fiesta!

Allow me to begin by saying Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it.  My husband and I do not, but it was still a crazy day.  Since I had a long weekend I told him I'd make him anything he wanted for dinner Saturday night.  He said he wanted a Mexican Fiesta.  So a Mexican Fiesta it was.  Thursday night I compiled a list of recipes, and on Friday I headed to the store.  Big mistake. 

Since it was Christmas Eve, and they weren't open on Christmas Day, the place was a zoo.  I may as well have walked from my house with how far back I had to park.  I waited in line to get a cart and then went to the produce section, where there was enough room down each aisle for a single cart.  I parked my cart at the end of the aisles and ran down to grab the produce I needed.  After about half an hour in the produce section I went for meat, where for some reason people were parking their carts and gabbing.  Yay for bottlenecks!

After I got the various meats I needed, I went toward frozen foods, and was on the lookout for international foods, and baking.  International foods had food stuffs for nearly every country except Mexico.  Yay!  I must have missed baking in the gigantor store, and after grabbing frozen corn, I made a bee-line for the registers.  I'd had enough of impatience, being slammed with shopping carts, and screaming children.

Then I headed for my friendly, local grocery store for the rest of my ingredients.  All around the store were complaints of the place being a madhouse, but had they been through the hell I had just endured they would have been grateful for the semi-peaceful store they were in.

That night we went to my Mother-in-Law's for dinner.  It was nice and relaxing, and my husband invited them over for our Fiesta.  They agreed.

Fast forward to Saturday morning and there I am, realizing our place is a mess, and with a list of 8 dishes to make.  AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!  The husband had to work at 8, so from about 7:45 on I cooked and cleaned like a mad woman.  He got home from work around 4 and I still had 2 dishes I hadn't even started on, but the apartment was clean as a whistle.  The In-Laws never arrived.

We scratched the last 2 dishes, and sat down to our Fiesta.  Well, he sat down.  I continued to cook all while we ate.  Everything was delicious, and well worth the work.  By 8:00 we were serving dessert and the day had finally come to an end.  I laid down on the couch for a breather and could see my ankle swelling like crazy.

Within a few minutes I was asleep, pain or not.  We didn't even do any cleaning up until this morning.  As I type this the dishwasher is running it's fourth load in 2 days and all I want to do is go back to sleep.  Today will be a mostly lazy day, though, so that will be nice.

My ankle is still quite swollen, and very painful.  The current pain level is an 7/10, which is to be expected, I suppose.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Ugh, winter :(

I used to love winter.  It used to be my favorite time of year.  I remember playing King of the Mountain atop the skyscrapers of snow left at the end of our driveway with my family and friends.  Skiing and sledding were some of my favorite ways to pass the time.  Who can beat coming inside after making a snowman, dripping with melting snow, to a waiting fire and a big cup of hot chocolate?  Ah the memories.... but not anymore.  I can't go out and make a snowman anymore.  There's no more snowmobiling, skiing, sledding, snowmen, snow angels, King of the Mountain, or snow dripping from everywhere (even off the hat on my head).  The Winter wonderland I remember from my childhood is now far out of my reach.  At least there's still waiting fires and hot chocolate... well sometimes.
Now those wonderful winter memories have been replaced with constant pain that keep me firmly seated in the present.  I can never warm my leg up.  I have layers of blankets on my bed, I wake up in the middle of the night sweating, but still the leg is chilled to the bone.  I HATE winter now.  Don't get me wrong, my stimulator helps a great deal, but even with the stimulator the pain never goes away.  The warmth never returns (not that I would expect that to happen), and I'm left longing for the winters of my childhood.
All I can do now is to find indoor activities to keep my mind off the cold and pain.  Like tonight.  The family is having a murder mystery dinner, and as of last night I'm in charge of running the game.  It should be a ton of (warm) fun, and hopefully the pain will stay away.
Current pain level: 6/10 :(

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving

I'M ON VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, that absolutely required yelling and all of those exclamation points. I'm so very happy that I have a full 4.5 day weekend. Oh, did I not mention I also got out of work early on Wednesday which gave me that extra half day? It's going to be great.

So Wednesday night we went to a concert. My husband's coworker's band was playing their first show so we went out to support them. I hadn't slept well Tuesday night and the show didn't start until 10 pm, so by the time we got there I was exhausted and in quite a bit of pain. I turned my stimulator way up, and sat back to enjoy the show. We made it to the end, made a quick exit, and were back home by 12:15. Then I went directly to bed, and slept until about 9 the next morning. By the time I woke up I was still exhausted, but I certainly got a full night's sleep. It was wonderful and worked wonders for my leg.

We went to my Mother-in-law's for Thanksgiving dinner. It was nice to spend time with the family. It was really relaxing. Then we went to bed early again last night. My leg barely hurts at all this morning. I'd say the pain level is right around a 2/10. I can't remember the last time it was this low. This is going to be a great vacation!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The PAIN!!!!

I do not get it. Not at all. I'm used to pain- very used to it, but only from the knee down (and even then that's not constant. Sometimes the pain is located just in my ankle. Not today. Today my leg hurts from the hip down to the tip of my toes :(

I tried soaking in a warm bath, I took some pain killers, and I've been laying on the couch with my leg elevated for 4 hours now. Nothing! No relief! I just want to curl into a little ball and cry but curling up would require movement of the leg, which will not happen.

So let's recap. Why does my leg hurt so much today? Obviously the seasons are changing. My car is frosted over every morning when I get up and I have to drive about halfway into work before the heat finally seems to be penetrating the skin on my leg. Now to be clear, I let the car warm up for a while before getting in. It has more to do with how quickly the cold penetrates the skin when I go outside.

So there's the fact that winter's around the corner, and then there's stress (we're not going there today because I'm doing my damnedest to relax right now in hopes that will decrease the pain). And lastly there's the lack of sleep. This darned cat of mine has taken to making as much noise at night as possible. That combined with stress is killing my sleep schedule. I need to get that back on track.

So I'm right back up there with the pain level today. I'd put it right around an 8/10. This is worse than the best pre-stimulator pain :(

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Winter :(

I'm really, really bad with titles. I'm always trying to come up with a title that properly summarizes the general idea on the subject of my blogs and I'm always really bad at it. I'll admit that it has prevented me from posting in the past, but I'm determined not to allow that to happen, so if you see strange titles that's why.

The weather here has been going between beautiful, sunny, and hot to cold, rainy, and a bit snowy. Winter is not far off :( I'm not prepared so I think I'll protest. If you see some crazy lady, walking with a limp, and holding a sign to the effect of "WINTER, GO AWAY!" it may or may not be safe to assume that's me. If snow is falling assume it's someone else.

So on to the pain. The CRPS has been flaring quite a bit lately. Work has been stressful, and again I haven't been sleeping well. Winter is likely to make the sleeping aspect worse. Thankfully there may be a light at the end of the stress tunnel at work. We've brought on some help, and hired some people that needed to be hired. That means there's a bit less work on my plate, or at least there will be soon. Yay for lights! It's been awfully dark in that danged tunnel lately.

I'm going to try to relax a bit tonight and hopefully by the time I go to bed the pain will have decreased a bit. Then maybe I'll get some sleep. That would be nice.

I've decided that considering this is a chronic pain blog, I should probably share my pain level at the time of my writing, so I'm going to try to do that and keep up with it. Right now my pain level is at a 6/10. That's better than even my best pre-SCS, but is pretty high for having the SCS.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Things are going well

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. My company is finally bringing in some help. I might be able to breathe soon :) Just knowing this is coming has helped my stress levels immensely.

We went apple picking last weekend. It was a lot of fun. I haven't been in years (not since long before I got my stimulator implanted). It was so nice to walk around, enjoying the chilly autumn weather, picking apples, and just generally having a good time with my husband. My leg was really sore afterward, but I came home and made a delicious apple pork loin in the slow cooker for dinner. It was the epitome of a beautiful fall day, made all the better by the fact that I was still able to stand at the end of it. However, we picked way too many apples. We still have a ton left over and I've almost run out of things to make with them.

Tonight we're going bowling, which is yet another activity I haven't done since getting the stimulator. I'm hoping I'll be able to find a good setting on the stimulator so I won't have to continuously adjust it all night, but even if I do that's still better than the pain.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I'm tired

I'm tired of thinking negatively.  I'm tired of not sleeping, I'm tired of being in pain (This wasn't supposed to be a consistent thing anymore :( ).  I'm just tired in general.

Last night I didn't sleep very well at all.  I finally fell asleep shortly before my alarm clock went off.  When it went off I groggily got up and got into the shower, hoping washing my face would wake me up a bit.  It didn't, so I groggily took my shower.  Just before I was done I leaned over to pick something up and knocked the conditioner bottle right off the ledge.  We buy shampoo and conditioner in bulk.  Doing this saves us a ton of money, but it means big objects to fall on the foot.  Maybe that's something to rethink?  Anyway, sure enough the big bottle of conditioner landed directly on my right foot.  The pain is incredible.

The funny thing about this stimulator is that it helps immensely with RSD pain, but the moment there's an actual injury it doesn't do very much.  So here I am, stimulator jacked up to 11, and still in pain.  Cross your fingers this will be a short day.

When I get home tonight I'm going to try soaking my foot and hope that helps some with the pain.  Then I plan on spending the rest of the afternoon with my foot propped up on a pillow.  Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a new day, with much less pain.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Beer, Engagement Party, and Tears

On my way home from work on Friday I got a ticket.  I was stupid.  I should have known better.  It was the first day of a new month and my inspection had expired a while ago.  I never should have pulled on to the highway like I did.  I should have taken the back roads.  But no, I wanted to take the highway so I wouldn't be late getting my husband from work.  STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!  Now I need to get my car fixed and get a new inspection before my court date and just kind of hope they throw the ticket out :(  So the weekend started on a bad note.  I was already exhausted and in pain so that was the last thing I needed.

Saturday we went to the beer festival that I talked about in my last entry.  We had a blast.  I turned on my stimulator as high as it could comfortably go, and off to the festival we headed.  It was nice to see some old friends that I haven't caught up with in the longest time.  We stayed around there for a few hours and then headed home to get some rest before a friends' engagement party.

Later that night we went out again and hung out with friends at the party.  Again I managed to stand the entire time without too much pain, although I was hurting by the end.  I'm glad we went and it turned out to be a good time.

Sunday morning it all went to hell again.  For some reason the husband decided to start a fight.  I "slept" on the couch last night.  For the second time in a row I cried the whole way in to the office.  Not cool. 

No sleep + added stress = terrible leg pain.  It's going to be a long week.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Rainstorms and Television

We had a ton of rain yesterday (we're talking about 4 inches).  That combined with the stress of work, and lack of sleep recently, caused quite the flareup.  I spent the afternoon and evening last night on the couch in severe pain.  I'd say the pain levels easily reached pre-SCS levels.  So my awesome husband sat with me and watched TV.  So there we were, watching NCIS and watching the rain fall and I started feeling bad for msyelf again.  I'm too young for this to happen to me.  Then House came on.  I'll admit to feeling a pang of jealousy as I watched him pop those Vicodin pills and could see the pain melt away enough to be able to function.  I found myself wishing that I could take just one of those pills without being sick for days afterward.

That's not right, though.  I don't like pills.  I took myself off of them all because of that.  What was I thinking?  Even the thought of taking them made me feel sick.  I just want the pain to go away.

So I "slept" with my leg propped up on some pillows and with the SCS jacked up as high as it could go.  It didn't do much for the pain, and here I am again.  It's a new day, complete with severe pain.  I thought these days were behind me :(

I found myself feeling bad for myself again this morning.  I started crying on my way in to work because "it hurts so bad and it's just not fair"  but you know what?  Life isn't fair.  This is a lesson I was forced to learn a long time ago.  It would be nice if the playing field were evened up a bit, but I wouldn't wish this on even my worst enemy, so I'll take it, and I'll try to make the best of it.  It's times like these my high school friend's words echo in my head "Bad things happen to good people because bad people can't handle the stress."  Maybe this is evening the playing field a bit?

Tomorrow is my town's annual beer festival and I plan on attending with my husband.  I have no doubt the SCS will be on full blast, and hopefully I'll be able to stand up the whole time we plan on being there, without being forced to hide out in the car.  Wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I'm neglectful :(

Don't hate me! I'm seriously terrible at keeping up with this blog and for that I apologize. However, my husband is at work tonight so here I am.

I'm not going to go into the work crap because I'm trying to pretend it doesn't exist. Yes, dear readers, this is my denial face. Isn't it pretty?

So my leg has been acting up because of that thing that doesn't exist, but I'm dealing. I've been trying out more programs on my SCS lately. I know, it's been freaking forever since I got the thing, so you'd think I would know all these 6 (ONLY 6!!!!) programs inside and out, but I don't.

When I first got the stimulator I found programs that worked for me when I was trying to sleep, when I was sitting stationary, and when I was walking. Until now the tried and true always worked, so why deviate?

Lately, though, the pain has gotten pretty bad so I've been forced to experiment. I'll admit that part at least has been kind of fun. I've been learning a lot about how these programs feel and I have opened up a whole new arsenal of potential pain killing buzzes!

I would go on, but my head hurts so I'm going to lie down. Thanks for reading, and I'll try to update again before the apocalypse ;)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Energizer Bunny

I'm like the Energizer Bunny in that I keep going... and going... and going...

Life has been crazy, with no end in sight. Work has been incredibly stressful. I've been working crazy hours. I really do just work for the weekend. It's a sad state of affairs.

Of course with stress comes pain. I've been keeping my stimulator turned up as high as I can tolerate it, but I can't sleep at night with it on high enough to block the pain signals, so sleep hasn't been coming very easily either.

I took Benedryl last night and got some sleep (although medicine induced sleep is never very restful), and when I woke up this morning my ankle felt almost disconnected. It's hard to explain, but it was like there was space in the joint. This happens sometimes after I take something that knocks me out, but I always hate it :(

Still going...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Pain!!!

It's official. I have gone back to being a total wuss about pain. Before I got my stimulator dealing with insanely high pain levels was nothing to me. It was a walk in the park. In fact, in college my physiology professor ran a few tests with me and we found out my body reacted in the complete opposite way to pain than it should (when my pain levels went up my heart rate and breathing decreased, which we figured was something of a coping mechanism for my body). Now my leg starts hurting even the slightest bit more than normal and I want to curl up and cry. What happened to me?

A friend of mine passed away Friday July 16, and then a second friend passed away on July 23. I was on vacation last week but ended up spending a good deal of it either dealing with those deaths or dealing with whatever stomach bug I had Wednesday and Thursday. Not fun. The calling hours for the second friend were yeserday and the funeral was today. It's been stressful.

By the time I got home from work today I realized how much pain my ankle is in. It's incredible. I can't remember the last time I've felt pain this severe. OTC pain killers aren't touching it and my stimulator is having no effect :'( I miss that wonderful coping mechanism I used to have.

So how am I coping today? For now I'm laying on the couch with my leg elevated, watching TV. Hopefully I'll be able to get a bit of sleep tonight and the pain will have decreased a bit by tomorrow. If not it's going to be a long way until Friday.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Someone tell the world to stop turning!

I'm ready to get off! Work has gotten nothing but more insane since my last post. We had some more people leave which added a couple more jobs on to my list. My boss coninues to assure me we will be bringing in more people to help me out (he actually told me the other day that it's unreaonsable of my company to expect me to ge all of this work done, so that's encouraging), but good help can't come soon enough. We did get one new person, but we need more.

I need a vacation so I'm taking one. I'm so excited! I put in for a week toward the end of July. My husband and I are going to be off together and although we don't have solid plans, it's nice to know I won't be in the office for an entire week.

And starting tomorrow night... Mini-vaca! We're going on a trip out of state and I'm so excited. We'll only be gone for the weekend but it should be nice and relaxing.

I really need this. My allergies have been going crazy with all the pollen in the air, and the stress of work has been making my ankle flare like crazy. That's been leading to little sleep, which makes my ankle flare more, and the vicious cycle continues.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Life is crazy

I know, I know... I haven't updated my blog in a long time. I kind of suck at this whole blog thing.

I'll start with an update on my ankle. I am now off crutches. It feels nice to be "walking" again. I still have quite the limp, and the pain can still be intense at times, but it has gotten much better. My pain levels have gone back down to a 4 or 5 when I first wake up, and only get bad later in the day. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health the last time I saw him. Eventually I'm sure the pain and limp will decrease. I just need to stay on it and keep working it.

My mom bought me Wii Fit Plus a few months ago and I was finally able to start using it in the beginning of January. I can't begin to express how much it has helped in the rehabilitation of my ankle. I told my orthopedic doctor about how I've been using it, and he gave his stamp of approval. He said it should aid in my recovery. He also clued me in to a new game for the Wii, which I'm excited to try at some point. It's the Wii Resort, or something like that. I'll have to look in to it.

Work has been insane lately. My boss brought in some help, and both of the new hires are great. Hopefully we'll be able to catch up a bit. I'm in the process of training one of them now, so hopefully soon she'll be able to pick up some of the slack.